The Want to Want

The want to want. The first time I heard this phrase was a few months ago while watching a video by Hannah Louise Poston. As soon as I heard it, something clicked. I am certainly someone who will spend inordinate amounts of time browsing for something to buy just to feel productive when I'm feeling bored or lazy.

When I was first introduced to the beauty community on YouTube, this pull to research products continually was such a perfect fit for me and my want to want. A few years ago there were no panning or conscious consumerism channels. The majority of videos that I saw were hauls, subscription unboxings, or favorites with at least five new products mentioned every week. When I was constantly being bombarded with multiple new options each day it was easy to find something to want. (Of course I need six pink blushes because they are all slightly different in color and finish. And I definitely need a bright purple eyeliner just in case I want to use it one day two months from now.)

Over time, however, I stopped watching those unboxings and favorites videos. I started being more critical about what I was purchasing myself. In fact, I started to learn what my own preferences were when it came to makeup. I realized I didn't need somebody else to tell me what their favorite brown eyeliner was, and I didn't need another person to review whatever brand had released the newest one. Once I did a bit of research (aka just going to Ulta and Sephora and swatching any I could find until I found the best one for me) I committed to my choice and stopped idly browsing brown eyeliners.

I would love for this to happen with the rest of my collection, but it's a slow process and one with ever-changing tastes. The pink lipstick I like today will probably not be the pink lipstick I like three years from now. This is partly why I strive to have a smaller collection now; I want to use products as much as I can while I still thoroughly enjoy them.

But the want to want still lingers. It wavers often now between makeup items and other hobbies. I have been trying my best lately to just stay off the internet and spend more time playing with my toddler or reading when she goes to bed. When I'm not being reminded that I should want something it's much easier to ignore the want to want.